


Dirty Little Secret

by HeadphonesChild



Series: Song Fics [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anxiety Attacks, Dead People, F/M, Financial Issues, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Panic Attacks, Platonic Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Sex Worker, Smut, Sugar Daddy, Swearing, paid sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:53:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29415165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeadphonesChild/pseuds/HeadphonesChild
Summary: It started off as a fling. Just a quick, meaningless way to make money for college.Why did it have to get so complicated?Now he wanted Roman to himself. He wanted to have him to himself. He wanted to before than just a quick jerk-off once a week, or a pretty boy that Roman would take out where he knew they would be safe, and buy clothes and candy and a fucking motorcycle to make up for everything.Virgil didn't want that. He wanted Roman. He was sick of this game.He was sick of being his dirty little secret.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders
Series: Song Fics [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2158995
Kudos: 22





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Dirty Little Secret- All-American Rejects  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPDcwjJ8pLg

Virgil lay motionless on the bed as watched Roman position himself above him. His mind was racing a million miles an hour as Roman pressed kisses to his neck, and drew out little noises from his mouth.

He still couldn’t believe he was doing this. 

When Roman had made the offer originally, to pay Virgil if they could “hang out” for a few hours, he was immediately on guard. He’d been around unsavory people long enough to know what that meant. And he didn’t care much for Roman Alvarez to begin with. He was popular, always with some pretty girl hanging off his arm, a different one every week. He got all the leads in the school productions, and was the star football player. He seemed unable to do any wrong, in everyone's eyes. He was followed by a big crowd everywhere he went. Everyone laughed at his jokes. 

Virgil hated him. He figured this was just some ploy, another way for Virgil to be thrown into the spotlight again and be made a fool of. So he just sneered at Roman, shoved his hands into his pockets, and left without a word. 

But when he got home, he thought about his offer, against his better judgement. Roman had implied that he would give Virgil a hefty amount. And college was expensive… 

Since their mother had died last year, Janus had taken on the caretaker role, since he was already eighteen. He worked more hours than Virgil thought was healthy, trying to pay for food, electricity, internet, water, and anything else that might come up with only his retail job. And every paycheck, he stashed away whatever he had left over (which wasn’t much) to go to Virgil’s college fund. Janus insisted that if he worked hard enough, then Virgil could go to a local college by the time he had graduated. Virgil said he could get a job to help, but Janus wouldn’t let him. He said that keeping his grades up and getting scholarships would be more help than any paying job. 

But Virgil felt like he wasn’t doing enough. Everytime he looked at his brother, Janus seemed to have gotten thinner, the bags under his eyes darker. And he didn’t see him much. He seemed to always be working, or sleeping. 

And Virgil knew what the college fund meant. Janus wasn’t planning on going to college. He had put all of the savings he’d had towards Virgil’s future. That wasn’t fair to him. 

So Virgil confronted Roman about his offer after class the next day, when he was coming out of the room and not surrounded by his posse. Roman just smirked, and repeated what he had said the day before- that he was willing to pay to hang out with Virgil a few hours. Though, Virgil could tell by his tone exactly what he meant. 

He waited by Roman’s car at the end of the day. 

Virgil gave him directions to his house as he sat in the passenger seat. Roman said that his house was too crowded, and offered to get a hotel room, but anxiety had spiked in Virgil at the idea. That would mean he would have to go home alone, and he didn’t know his way around downtown too well. He told Roman that they could just go to his house, as long as they didn’t take too long. Janus was definitely gone by now, and usually wasn’t home until midnight. 

Roman pulled away from Virgil’s neck with a heavy breath, and Virgil subconsciously let out a low whine at the loss of contact, which made his face burn. Roman just smirked at him. 

He sat back on his legs, staring down at Virgil. Virgil wanted to look away, but found that he couldn’t. In Roman’s eyes, he found the same intense stare, the same look he had when he had made the offer- drunk with lust and sparkling with excitement. 

Roman’s hands tugged on the bottom of Virgil’s long-sleeved purple shirt. His hoodie had long been discarded into the corner of the room. He looked to Virgil for a moment. He nodded shakily, and Roman pulled his shirt up over his head. 

Roman’s shirt was quick to follow, both thrown haphazardly. Then he was back on Virgil, his hands roaming his chest. Virgil gasped at how warm Roman’s hands were on his body. Virgil’s hands seemed to move on their own accord, one gripping at Roman’s waist and the other wrapping over his back, feeling along his sides and over his shoulder blades. 

Roman’s thumb flicked over Virgil’s nipple, and he found himself grabbing at whatever was closest to him, which happened to be Roman’s hair. Above him, Virgil heard a sharp intake of breath, but he couldn’t think about it long before Roman’s mouth was on his chest. He started to trail kisses and soft nips down his torso. 

Virgil pulled his hands away from Roman and moved them to his own hair, worrying it excessively as he tried to keep his hands busy. The Roman kissed at his hips, then trailed along his v-line, then right above the lowest point of his jeans, and Virgil’s breath hitched, then realised in an embarrassing, soft, wanting whine. 

Roman looked up, a smirk plaster on his face. He didn’t even look ashamed. “Sensitive?” 

Virgil flushed and looked away, hiding his face in the crook of his elbow. “I guess. I’ve… Never done this before.” 

Virgil could almost imagine the shit-eating grin on Roman’s face as he felt the other unbutton his jeans. He sighed softly as the pressure on his groin was relieved slightly. Then his pants and boxers were off entirely. 

Virgil pulled his face out of his elbow and looked up to see Roman, staring down at Virgil. He felt exposed, just being stared at, and he wanted to yell at him to get on with it, but he bit his tongue. He was being paid for this, for Roman to do whatever he wanted to him. And if Roman wanted to stare, then Virgil would just have to deal with it. 

Vigil shifted his eyes as Roman undid his own jeans, tossing them carelessly to the side. He was more erect than Virgil. Virgil flushed as he tore his eyes away from Roman. He hadn’t realised he was staring. 

Roman placed his hand gently on Virgil’s thigh and looked up at him. Virgil bit his lip and nodded shakily, before turning his head away and hiding his face in his arm again. 

That was all the confirmation Roman needed. Virgil felt his legs being lifted, slung over Roman’s shoulders, and he shivered as he felt Roman’s finger trace around his entrance. He shivered as the finger pressed into him, and he squeezed his eyes shut tight, his free hand gripping his sheets madly. 

Roman moved slowly, working the muscle gently as he pushed in up to his knuckle. He leaned down over Virgil and nipped at the exposed side of his neck. “Try to relax,” he murmured. Virgil shivered, the hot air running across his neck causing him to erupt in goosebumps. 

A second finger prodded at Virgil’s hole, and he bit his lip to keep from crying out. Roman worked him out slower this time, scissoring him gently until the ring of muscle had loosened slightly. He entered a third finger, and Virgil’s whimper was cut off by his own gasp as Roman’s free hand moved to stroke his erection. 

He was trying to distract him. It was working. 

Roman’s touch was delicate along his shaft. He came up and down in a smooth rhythm, his thumb swiping gently over the head. Virgil clenched his eyes and bit his lip, trying to muffle the moan that threatened to escape him. It didn’t work quite as well as he would have hoped. 

The motion stopped suddenly, and Virgil peeked out of his elbow slightly. Roman pulled the arm away from Virgil’s face, and tugged his lip from between his teeth with his thumb. 

“I want to hear you,” Roman whispered. He pressed a soft kiss to Virgil’s neck and pulled his fingers out. Virgil whimpered pathetically at the sensation of being so empty. 

Virgil licked his lips, and found he could taste his own pre-cum faintly where Roman’s thumb had been. This made his face burn and his dick twitch with interest. Roman was quick to put a condom on and cover himself with lube, but in Virgil’s lust-addled mind, it felt like centuries. Roman lined himself up with Virgil’s entrance and held his hips gently. “Ready?” 

Virgil nodded shakily and Roman began to press in. It hurt. Virgil whimpered, though he tried to hide the sound, and he reached up to grab Roman’s shoulders as he tried to convince his body that this was okay, he would be okay, his body didn’t have to try and expel the intrusion because it was someone trying to help him. It wasn’t working. Roman had barely pressed in, and Virgil felt his eyes watering. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” Roman reassured. “I won’t move until you’re ready.” His voice sounded shaky. One of his hands reached up and brushed away the tears that Virgil tried to blink back, but only made fall. He pressed his lips against Virgil’s. Virgil opened his mouth when Roman nipped at his bottom lip, his tongue entering and exploring his mouth skillfully. When Roman drew away, a line of saliva connected them, as if telling him to come back. 

Virgil took a shaky breath. “You…” He couldn’t find the words to finish, but he didn’t need to. Roman nodded and pressed further into Virgil. He stopped about halfway, but Virgil bit his lip and nodded, signaling that he was okay to keep going. When he had bottomed out, he stopped and waited again, watching Virgil’s face for any sign of discomfort. 

He began to stroke Virgil’s erection again, making his dick perk and press against their stomachs, as close together as they were. Virgil let out a soft moan at the feeling and brought his hands up to Roman’s shoulders again, grabbing desperately. He was sure he left scratches with his uneven nails, but he didn’t care at the moment. He needed more. This felt amazing, but it wasn’t enough. 

“M-move,” Virgil puffed out. Roman furrowed his brow. 

“It’s only been a few seconds. Are you sure?” 

“Move! God, please!” Virgil couldn’t bring himself to be embarrassed by his begging. He needed this. 

Roman dutifully responded, pulling out slowly and allowing their noises to mix in the sex-heavy air as he pushed back in, just as slowly. The friction helped, but not much. 

“R-Roman, faster…” 

Roman complied, and pushed himself in and out again. Virgil threw his head back in pleasure, and Roman took the opportunity to attach himself to his neck, pressing hot kisses to the skin. Virgil felt him bite and suck, and knew he was going to leave a mark- the one think Virgil had asked him not to do beforehand in case his brother were to notice- but he couldn’t bring himself to tell Roman to stop. It all felt so good. Instead, he wrapped his legs around Roman’s waist and buried his hands in his hair. He tilted his head more, encouraging him more than anything. 

Roman started to speed up, angling himself differently with every thrust. Virgil wanted to ask why- if he was uncomfortable with the position, or if Virgil was doing something wrong- but before he could form the words, Roman hit something deep inside of him that tore a moan from his throat and caused him to squeeze his eyes shut tightly, stars or pleasure dancing across his vision. 

What the hell was that? 

Virgil felt Roman grin and chuckle against his neck, before he pressed another kiss and pulled away. 

Roman began to pound into that general area with every thrust. Virgil couldn’t stop the way his voice grew louder and more obscene. He sounded like a whore. 

It clicked. He was dying. That had to be it. There was no other way that anything could feel this good. 

He didn’t even get the chance to warn Roman before he came, his seed shooting across both of their chests. It was glorious and heavy and smelt of sex and lust. Virgil whined softly as Roman pulled out. He hadn’t noticed the other had cum, but the condom was full. 

Exhaustion washed over Virgil. His eyelids felt heavy, and his limbs shaky and weak. Roman disappeared from view, and for a moment, Virgil thought he had just left him, laying in his drying cum. But then he came back, cleaned up and with a wet washcloth. Virgil never told him where the bathroom was, but it wasn’t that hard to figure out. It was right across the hall, and the house wasn’t that big. He would have found it sooner or later. 

Roman cleaned him off delicately. Virgil wanted to help out, but with his weak arms, he was sure he’d just get in the way. 

Roman hunted around the room for his clothes, and got himself dressed. Just by looking at him, if Virgil hadn’t been the object of his most recent adventures, he would have never known what Roman had just been doing. He looked just as put together as always- his shirt and jeans framed his body nicely, and his hair was handsomely disheveled, like always. Virgil took some pride knowing that he was the reason behind that. 

Roman pulled the purple and black duvet over Virgil’s shoulders, kissed him on the forehead, and pressed a wad of bills into his limp hand. 

Roman left without another word, and Virgil’s eyes drifted closed as he heard the front door shut and Roman start his car. Virgil drifted to sleep to the hum of Roman’s Corvette as it drove down the street.


	2. Two

When Virgil woke up, the first thing he noticed was the ache in his hips.

He hadn’t really noticed it all that much when Roman was inside of him, and afterwards, he was too tired to care, but now it was very prominent. When he tried to sit up, he hissed in pain and flopped back onto his mattress unsuccessfully. 

The second thing he noticed was the crumpled bills. They had fallen out of his hand when he slept, and as he fell back on the mattress, a few jumped up into his line of sight. They were still all together in a vague wad. 

Virgil wasn’t sure if he wanted to touch them or not. 

He pushed the money to the side, so they were resting next to his pillow, and attempted to pull himself up again. It still hurt, but he knew the pain to expect this time, and was able to stand with a little trouble. 

His legs felt shaky and weak, and he noticed red marks trailing along his stomach and inner thighs. 

Virgil was quick to get dressed. 

Pulling on his skinny jeans seemed like far too much hassle, so he walked over to his dresser and pulled out a fresh pair of boxers and some baggy black sweatpants. He pulled on one of Janus’ old shirts, an MCR one that he never wore anymore and was two sizes too big. Then he shoved on his jacket, hoping that the hood bunched around his neck would hide the mark Roman had left on his neck. 

All the while, the money burned in the back of Virgil’s mind. He was curious… How much had Roman paid him? He couldn’t just ignore the money, that was the whole reason he had done this in the first place. If he didn’t take it, then he would have whored himself out for nothing. 

When he was dressed, he walked back over to the bed and sat down, picking up the pile of cash. He carefully counted it all out, frowned, and counted it out again. That couldn’t be right. That was… There was $300 here… Surely Roman made a mistake, right? Virgil had expected $50, maybe $100 at most. But this was ridiculous. Virgil had to give some of this back, right? 

“V!” Virgil startled and acted on impulse at Janus’s voice, shoving the money into his bedside drawer. There wasn’t time to think about this now. 

Virgil came out of his room and walked down the hallway to the kitchen, where Janus was grabbing paper plates and setting out the pizza he had picked up after work. Virgil was grateful he was turned around; he didn’t know how noticeable his limp was. 

Their house was small, just a one story house with two bedrooms, a bathroom, and a dining room/kitchen/living room all squished together. Before their mom had died, Janus and Virgil had shared a room. After the funeral, and her belongings were packed away, Janus took over her room. Virgil knew that, more often than not, he wound up sleeping on the couch because he hated sleeping in that room. Virgil couldn’t blame him. But lately, it seemed that Janus was too tired after work every night to care where he slept. 

Virgil sat at the table, watching his brother. “I thought you had work tonight?” Virgil posed as Janus brought him over a plate with two slices of cheese pizza. A flicker passed over his eyes, and a frown tugged at his lips, the top lip cleft on the left side. “Ah. I did, but… They gave me some time off.” Janus shrugged and offered a smile to Virgil. Virgil frowned. 

Janus hated having time off. It made him feel useless, like he wasn’t doing enough. Virgil knew, because he was the same way. And he was always thinking about the money he could be making instead. He never took time off, even if he was sick. He worked almost every weekend. He never would have accepted it. Something was wrong. 

“Just for tonight?” 

Janus turned away as he started getting his own pizza. Virgil got the feeling he was trying to avoid looking at him. “Just a few nights,” he answered vaguely. 

“You got laid off again, didn’t you.” 

Janus froze up, his shoulders tensed. That gave Virgil all the answer he needed. “Jan, you don’t need to lie to me about it! I’m not a kid anymore!” 

“I know you aren’t V, but-” 

“Then why do you treat me like one? You won’t let me get a job, you don’t tell me what our finances are like, you lie to me when you get fired so you can pretend, when you pick up another job, your time off has just ended! You’re working yourself half to death, and you act like I don’t even know it!” Virgil glared at Janus’s back. “I don’t want you to worry, okay?” 

Janus’s voice was soft, hesitant, as he put a piece of pizza on his plate and came over to the table to sit down. “I want you to focus on school. On making friends. Not on me, or on finances, or anything like that. You’re still a kid, V. You shouldn’t have to worry about that stuff yet. Besides, I’m your big brother… I’m supposed to take care of you.” 

“But you’re barely an adult.” 

Janus offered a wan smile. “I know. But you’re not at all.” With that, Janus took a bite from his pizza, and Virgil could tell the conversation was over. 

Virgil only managed to finish the two slices of pizza that Janus had put on his plate. They ended up with half a pizza left over, which meant that was probably what they were going to eat for dinner tomorrow. Virgil didn’t mind. Left-over pizza was a far superior supper to Ritz crackers and cornflakes, or no supper at all. 

As Virgil readied himself for bed, he replayed the conversation he and Janus had had in his mind. 

It wasn’t the first one like it they’d had. It was a common occurrence. Janus would hide the lengths of their struggles, the amount of work he put in, just how little he was paid; Virgil would find out and freak, asking why he didn’t say anything, why he wouldn’t let Virgil help out. 

The answer was always the same. “You need to focus on school.” “I’m your big brother, I’m supposed to take care of you.” “You’re just a kid.” 

Only once had Janus actually delved into what that all meant. 

It had been only a few months after their mom died, and they had spent nearly all of their inheritance (of which there wasn’t much) to pay for the funeral expenses. Janus had taken on three jobs during that time, trying to pay for the funeral and bills and keep food on the table. Virgil had come out of his room, sometime like two in the morning, and found Janus sitting on the couch with the light on, running a hand through his hair as he muttered under his breath about how much everything cost, about having to see if he could as if they could push back the electricity bill for one more week while he paid everything else, just until he got his next paycheck. 

Virgil had stood in the hall, unseen but able to hear everything. It was the first time it struck him just how expensive everything was. How much Janus had to do to pay for everything. 

He crept quietly into the room. Janus didn’t look up until Virgil started to speak. 

“I could get a job,” Virgil said. “I’m old enough. It could help with the payments and everything…” It wasn’t the first time Virgil had offered to get a job, but it was the first time he understood why he should. Why it would help. 

Maybe it was because it was two in the morning, and Janus was tired. Maybe it was because the stress of the funeral payments (they were paying in installments, even months after the funeral) and the bills had been getting to him. Whatever the reason, that night, Janus decided to be honest with him, in a way he hadn’t before or since. 

“No,” he said bluntly. 

“Why not?” 

“Because,” Janus said. “You need to focus on school. You need to get good grades, do extracurriculars, be the best damn student in that place. Because… I don’t know how the hell you’re going to be able to go to college, without some scholarships.” 

There was a beat of silence. Then… “I can focus on school just fine while I have a job.” 

“Yeah, maybe you can. But maybe you can’t. And I don’t want to take that risk. Because people in our situation… We don’t have a chance without college. And we don’t have a shot at college without scholarships.” 

Janus was right. Even before their mom had died, they had lived right on the poverty line. There had been days their mom had gone without eating to let Janus and Virgil eat, days that none of them could eat at all. They couldn't buy their way to the top. They couldn’t even buy a car. 

“I’m not going to leave you completely behind,” Janus said. “I have some money, not much, saved up. I was going to use it for when I went to college, but I’m gonna put it towards a fund for your college. To pay for whatever you can’t get a scholarship for.” 

“What about you?” Virgil asked. Janus had always been so excited to go to college, to go to law school. He smiled sadly. 

“I want at least one of us to have a shot out of this hole.” He ruffled Virgil’s hair. Then he stood, and stretched, popping his back. “I’m going to head to bed. You should too, V.” 

Janus walked off to his room, what had been their mother’s room, leaving the pile of bills scattered on the coffee table. 

Virgil always came back to that conversation. One of the most open ones he’d had with his brother. 

He wondered what Janus would think if he told him that he had $300 dollars in his bedside table right now. If he told him what he had done to get that. 

Janus always told him not to worry, but it was impossible for Virgil not to. The more he was told not to think about it, the more he was told to let Janus take care of it, the more he wanted to do something to help. 

Now he had. He just wasn’t sure if he could ever use that money, knowing how he had gotten it. 

Virgil crawled into his bed, and wrapped his duvet around him. Sleep didn’t come for him for a long time, thoughts swirling endlessly in his head. Eventually though, as the moon hid behind the clouds near one am, his eyes became too heavy to keep open anymore, and he fell asleep.


End file.
